Moving on

Don't look at what might have been,
should have been,
or could have been!
Look at what is still to be!

There may be a situation in which someone comes to you to break off a relationship. Allow that break to occur. Don't keep hanging on. Don't keep trying to mend fences that are twelve-foot-high stone walls. Don't keep revisiting the relationship in your heart, looking for a way back in. Allow the break to happen.
And then, move forward.

Culled from "Simple suggestions for a sensational Life" by Paula White

scattered sand

i never thought i would grasp so tight,
yet watch as it trickled out
my hands white from clutching, couldn't make it stay longer
i watched as yet another bird, flew wild and forgotten
almost a ghost of my imaginations, yet surreal in my fascination
i watched as i chased a bitter dream
i screamed my war song and beat my chest
a hollow sound it made, a sound haunting me till this day
i danced around in circles, my feet scattering the white sand
drawing a scattered tale, tangling my built castle
yet, i danced on, into the night till the very next day
i danced and danced
the scattered sands still mock me, as i start another journey
my feet, raw and callused from the marks as i danced
almost too hard to forget
my angst at yet another scattered dream
my remorse at the scattered sand ...

Dark night

I stared at the clear lake, mesmerized by the stillness of the night, i heard an owl hoot close by but i couldn't tear my eyes away, where was midnight sun, where could she have gone?
I inched closer to the lake, fearing it as though it had developed a life of its own. My mouth ached from being agape for too long and i shut it as i slumped on the moist grass, almost tempted to start rolling on it as i had watched the market women do when they were paid by the rich men of the village to act as professional mourners. This time though, my pain ran deep, my fear rose like a shock wave, causing me to shiver in the humid, clamped night.
"Midnight sun" i mumbled in what sounded like a war cry and a cry of despair.. almost afraid to cry out loud, just in case i was carried by the lake.
"Who do you search for?"
I turned towards the voice that had spoken to me, my hear thumping so hard across my chest that i doubled over in pain.
I had thought i was alone but instead, i saw my self face to face the most beautiful woman i had ever seen in my young life.
She had skin so smooth and flawless that it reminded me of the soft chocolate drink they sold to the rich people that drank leisurely at the town square. Her hair was long and luxurious but her eyes, her eyes caught my attention and i knew i was staring at "Midnight sun" once more.
"Midnight sun" i mumbled
She smiled at me, her lips revealing teeth so white that i felt i was staring at the snow covered alpines i had always dreamt about.
"She is no more" she said so softly i could barely hear her.
"Where is she?"
She only smiled deeper and turned to walk away, her feet barely touching the ground.
“Where she goes, you can not know”
I stared at her as she drifted away.

Midnight Sun

I called her midnight sun and she called me her child, i never thought i could walk on water, until the day i spoke to her and she led me on a journey that i wonder if i should ever have taken.
She lived under the iroko tree by the village square, yes literally lived there. Her skin wrinkeld, her eyes lined, each line telling a story, long forgotten, long destroyed. Her lips were black and charred, barely concealing gumless teeth. But her eyes, oh her eyes, held on to memories and sparkled firecely like a full moon, bright, consuming everything that passed her way. I called her "Midnight sun" and she smiled at me, whenever i ran away from the chaos in my small one bed-room apartment that i shared with my step-mother and five half sisters. She was a form of escape for me from the dreariness that i called home. My step-mother thought i was a raving lunatic and my sisters thought i was delusioned whenever i ran away to midnight sun, taking my barely edible lunch and ragged water - flask.
She took me on many journeys with her, with her tales of wars she experienced, she once had loved firecely and she told me the story of a love, she lost during the wars, where brothers turned against each other, clans ripped their hearts apart. She told me of children ravaged by the aftermath of war, arms torn apart, hearts shredded into tiny bits. Yet her eyes never wavered but i could hear the anguish in her low, husky vioce as i travelled back decades of years, i saw villages been burnt, i heard the screams just as she spoke and my heart ached.
Once, she took my small hands in hers and i could barely feel her pulse, her hands cold and shrivelled but yet i could feel my own heart beating fast, i could sense that "midnight sun" would soon be gone.
One hot summer night, i trudged down the road, searching for her and hoping that she would be sitting where she normally sat, my eyes were moist with unshed tears, my heart was down and my spirit weak, that day i had been told i would be going to the city to work as a help to provide money for the family. I knew what that meant, i would be treated like a slave, almost a dog, given the remenants to eat, i would literally be spat upon and my faint, young heart could hardly conceal the betrayal i felt as my step-mother told me, that i would be going first thing in the morning.
Midnight sun was nowhere to be found, her spot was empty and i sat down there, wrapping myself in my small ankara fabric.
"Who do you find, my child?'
I looked up, it was Midnight sun, but she looked different, she sounded different. To my childs eye, i felt she stood like a raving august wind, strong and defiant.
I shook my head and approached her but she stepped back abruptly, her eyes were not looking at me but rather looking through me.
I felt a shiver run through my spine, she seemed eerily quiet, i stretched out my small hands to her.
"I am here"
She turned and looked at me, quietly sitting down. She hugged me to her chest and i smiled. She seemed to be the mother i never had or knew.
"Child, i have to go now" she said
i turned towards her "where are you going?"
"Somewhere, that i will be made whole again"
Can i come"
She sturned and looked at me "where i go, you can't come"
and with that she stood up, i noticed the limp was gone and i stood up with her, determined to follow her.
She walked past the village square and i walked behind her. It was as though she was floating, barely touching the ground.
She got to the lake side and i also stopped, wondering how i never noticed how beautiful the lake was.
Suddenly, midnight sun stretched forth her hands and a slight wind blew against her, so soft, it felt like feathers on my cheeks, sofly kissing my dried tears away.
The moon shone brighter than i had ever seen it, the world seemed to inhabit a song of its own and i saw her, i know i saw her.
She lifted her legs and began to walk on water, the lake changed as though it became a hard board, ripples forming beneath it.
her feet moved slowly and suddenly, she disappeared, i stared ahead, my mouth agape....