Can we change the hands of fate?

First and foremost, I am not an ardent believer of “its fate and there is nothing we can do about it” but recently some things have happened that have made me realize that to a large extent we determine what really happens.
I introduced a friend of mine to an acquaintance because I felt they were well suited for each other and I pioneered the entire introduction and hook up. Barely six months later, they have concluded plans to walk down the aisle as husband and wife. Was it fate? Was I supposed to introduce them, truth be told, I almost didn’t introduce them, I used to just fool around and tease her that I know this really cool guy and I felt they would fit. But I almost didn’t introduce them because we all know how busy everyone tends to be, I kept on forgetting and procrastinating and I have never been much of a match maker. But when I finally did, they hit it off so perfectly and I am glad that I did.
But what if I hadn’t introduced them, would they have eventually gotten married or gone off and married other people? Was it fate or was it a case of we moved fate in our favor?
Were we actually meant to marry the people we end up with, live in the country that we live in, do the jobs that we currently do? Was it a predestined move or we unconsciously change somethings in our favor or against us?
I watched this film once about a young man who loved his girlfriend but somehow managed to still take her for granted and she died, he almost went berserk and the next morning, he woke up and found out that she was alive and he was re-living the entire experience again. He tried to change the hands of fate but nothing could change until the hour that she was supposed to die; he stood in her place and died instead.
Made me wonder, can we actually change the fate of things? Do we sometimes do things that make the hand of fate move against or in our favor?
I am a believer and the question has puzzled me for a while, while we pray that God should intervene on a lot of things concerning us, has He actually left these things in our hands for us to design and pioneer and move in our favor. It’s a very tough question and a very tough answer. Sometimes do we become so religious that we just sit down on our behinds and think, “well, I have prayed that I will get married this year or get a job or I have prayed that my manager will like me, or I prayed that so so and so will promote me” and we live everything to fate or do we actually get up and change our own fate, redesign our destinies and get what we want.
Sometimes we need to get up and fight, fight very hard, change the hand of fate… move things in our favor and be aggressive about it while we do that. By aggression, I don’t mean, barking up anything that comes in your way or running like headless chickens in a bid to do things but instead lets change the course of destiny in the only way we know how to… seek the face of our creator and listen to his voice very intently… lets take the horse by its rein and with the backing of His word.. lets move in to change our destiny… this time for good.

truth or rumour

i slowly closed the small latch on my door and walked to my room which despite the usual power outage seemed unusually comforting. I wonder sometimes about life and the choices that it offered. I lived alone in a very small apartment, i liked it... i mean it gave me my privacy and independence. I could move around unhindered in my daily activities, leave my underwear littered around, i can walk around in my birthday suit and no one would bat an eyelid. i enjoyed it... i revelled in the luxury of my company.
there are some down sides though, sometimes i get so lonely that i almost scream out in pain, my head ready to explode from the silence around me... i crave the attention of another human being and i know that living alone while it does have its perks, also has some down side. Another side of the story i just heard though is the fact that women who live alone are thought of as being irresponsible, play things not to be taken seriously. This is one of the numerous fallacies which our society thrives on. It is more appealing and socially acceptable for a young professional woman to live with relatives than live alone, that way she is accountable to someone. i wonder at the hypocrisy within our society... just because a young woman lives alone doesn't mean she welcomes men who have no plans for her into her home at random. It would be complete idiocy as she would be jeopardizing her palns of settling down into her husbands home... Why the double standards i wonder, why do men treat women as equals in some regards and as inferiors in others? Why is it appropriate for a man to expect a woman to work as hard as he does, earn the same amount of money yet when it comes to being able to make decisions that affect our lives,such as being wise enough to know that inviting every Dare, Tunde and Kunle to share your satin sheets with you only pushes your wedding day further away, they expect us to behave like air heads without common sense and regard for what is right for us.
As much as it hurts, the truth still remains that even though we are westernised in our thinking, some fundamental truths still remain as they are... right from our fathers generation up till now...

cynic?

last year, i remember vividly.. i was a hopeless romantic.. i believed so much in love that i am sure i used to really tick some people off with my fairy tale ideals.. i remember in my teens, reading was like a fashion fad.. we started from baby sitters club to nancy drew, the Hardy boys.. and finally to the famous "mills and boons"... it was the trend of my teenage years... romantic literature that made us build castles in the air.. we believed so much in the fantasy that they created, a knight in shining armour riding on a white horse, coming to save his beautiful princess and living happily ever after...hmmmmm..... we practically lived the dream...
now though, my teenage years far gone, it still took a while to begin to understand that such fantasies are just that...fantasies.. there is no knight in shining armour, there is no white horse. I think it just hit me last year actually. i wouldn't say i am a cynic, i am just a realist. Men are just human beings, they make mistakes, they fart, use the toilet, sometimes have smelly breath... they have almost the same fears as we do.. fear of failing.. fear of being rejected and all that... just like us... and guess what, sometimes they also need rescuing...
They are not mythical creatures that we should put on a pedastal... they are just men... lets treat them like that, be real with them... develop a friendship with them and stop building castles in the air even before they say hi to you.
Most importantly though, i have realised that what we idolise can actually break us, simple question, can you tell whan someone treats you like a demi-god?, figures that you can do no evil? i know i can .. and guess what, it pisses the hell out of me. I prefer guys who start out as my friend... don't psyche (for lack of a better word) me, don't even try to wine and dine me.. just be my friedn and be there for me.. and it'll be a pleasant suprise when i find out that you like me "that way" and no.. i am not talking playing mind games (friends don't play mind games...duuuuhh?)
so don't worship or over-pamper a man that hasn't put a ring on your finger yet, be real with him... and burn all thos castles that you have built... before someone else does...

single bliss?

is there such a thing as single bliss?
really, i ask myself, somedays it seems as though i am living my life like its golden. whistling through like i just won a million pounds (250,000,000 naira) and life couldn't be better. I am happy to be as i am... free to come and go as i please, not having to worry about some other persons plans, that i have to see him or bla bla bla... other times i do miss having someone around and i mope like a grey cloud just appeared on the horizon of victoria island skylines
but lets face, no man is an island... you know when i was little and i used to attempt to watch some horror films, somethings just didn't make sense to me, a woman would be chased by this dark, morbid creature on the streets and she would run to her house, which by the way is empty cos she stays alone... and i keep wondering... why not run to your sister/brother or husband or friends house... that way the monster will take longer killing you cos he'll have so many other pple to kill first...lol... warped i know but hey... it made more sense to me for a survival plan.
then i realised that in the developed world, the strong family ties which we thrive on here are almost non existent there. Its our culture to have family and loved ones around us, although for some pple, family is a den of lions waiting to devour you..lol but for the fortunate ones, family is the safe nest that you have being blessed you, even when they annoy the crap out of you and you feel like ignoring them for the next decade and more... you just can't. What i am trying to say here is (before i was side tracked) no matter how much we feign it, we weren't meant to be alone... we were made to enjoy the companionship of our better half, for lack of a better word, some call it soul mate (although for the life of me i can't fathom what that is supposed to mean...duh?) we were made to love, to make love to and to care for someone that loves us right back...
i don't believe anyone that says they can't love anyone back... thats just a load of hogwash, it's like putting a green plant outside without sunshine and rain... it'll eventually wither and die...
Sure cynicism creeps in and we think love is dead and make believe, but if it were...why are we still here... hopeful that one day we will find our better half?

do i?

do i ignite your fire... sometimes i wonder about the fixation about sex and all that goes with it..
don't get me wrong, i think sex is beautiful... within the confines for which it was meant... marriage. sex outside of marriage may seem sweet for the whole of 5 minutes but hey... lets look at the flip side of the coin...
girl meets boy...boy meets girl, they get on and there is some form of chemistry, it starts from the little touches here and there and then they stumble unto soft sheets(i think it goes like that... )
now the relationship hasn't been defined... in the girls eyes at least, she waits for some form of definition and the man stalls... wondering why.. should anything be defined... the girl feels used, her confidence feels like left over bread that is all mildewy and rock hard... the man feels good (i think it's a male ego thing for guys...lol)
now this is where the struggle begins for women, sex is not just sex.. it goes deeper than that, for niaja women.. or should i say from my small world, sex is associated with love for us, we don't actually engage in the act except we actually love or are close to loving the guy (of course there are exceptions where this isn't the case) but for guys its different.
thats where sometimes we shoot ourselves in the foot, we tend to think men think like us but i think we should wake up and smell the hot coffee... they just don't... sex is just that for them ( a majority of them anyways)
there is no fast and hard rule for this but i think that one of the major selling points for us is the ability to hold out when they can't seem to...

Moving on

Don't look at what might have been,
should have been,
or could have been!
Look at what is still to be!

There may be a situation in which someone comes to you to break off a relationship. Allow that break to occur. Don't keep hanging on. Don't keep trying to mend fences that are twelve-foot-high stone walls. Don't keep revisiting the relationship in your heart, looking for a way back in. Allow the break to happen.
And then, move forward.

Culled from "Simple suggestions for a sensational Life" by Paula White

scattered sand

i never thought i would grasp so tight,
yet watch as it trickled out
my hands white from clutching, couldn't make it stay longer
i watched as yet another bird, flew wild and forgotten
almost a ghost of my imaginations, yet surreal in my fascination
i watched as i chased a bitter dream
i screamed my war song and beat my chest
a hollow sound it made, a sound haunting me till this day
i danced around in circles, my feet scattering the white sand
drawing a scattered tale, tangling my built castle
yet, i danced on, into the night till the very next day
i danced and danced
the scattered sands still mock me, as i start another journey
my feet, raw and callused from the marks as i danced
almost too hard to forget
my angst at yet another scattered dream
my remorse at the scattered sand ...